Originally Posted by
EndGameNYC 
With many people I've known, that seems to require a great deal of compassion around what we've done, what we've put ourselves through, and how we learn to care for ourselves while we're working to recover.
I've sometimes tried to be that caring person I needed in my life when things seemed to be falling apart. Even though it doesn't always work, it's good practice, and the walk will do you good.
First and foremost, it is good to see you EndGame, I am sure I am not the only one who has missed your presence around here. I hope you have been doing well and enjoying karate, rollerblading and your new (ish?) job.
What you mentioned above is a great problem for me although I do put in the effort. I eat well, exercise, take care of my appearance, take care of my home and yard, and do my best to take care of my mind.
I had made a good deal of progress in this area with my former psychiatrist/psychologist (I can hear the groans from the masses at the mere mention of him/this issue...) I'm not sure it was that the therapy was *that* great, but more the fact that he cared- or appeared to care- so so much. We worked through my issues under a blanket of what felt like real love and concern. Unfortunately the issue of transference/counter-transference became too big to ignore/handle/support and the day came that he fired me, out of the blue, via text message.
When our work ended so abruptly I took a huge slide backwards, even further back that where I began. I have slowly crawled out of the hole though not without bumps in the road.
I have tried a number of different therapists since him and none of them "fit" like he did. I show up to each appointment, earnestly do the work, pay the bill and repeat week after week but don't feel like I am making much progress in the areas I need to.
I feel ready to give up and just go my own way, continuing to work on it alone. At the same time I feel scared to let that go. I feel like if I am not *doing* all these things then I am not really working towards improvement in the areas of my life/personality that need it the most. I think that if I do all these things I can honestly say to myself "at least I am trying" But am I?