That sounds absolutely miserable. But you know that. And you knew that when you did the damage that you did to yourself last night. I'm sorry to hear that you're still deep in the weeds and giving into your addiction. There's so many ways for you to get out, are you willing to do the work? I know my hangovers that it felt like life itself wasn't worth living. I remember walking along subway tracks in my city and saying to myself out loud that I wanted to die. It's the alcohol. But you know that. What can you do about it?