Thanks Dee I know everyone here has my best interest into mind and vice versa. I just wanted to reiterate that this wasn't just about porn because that is understandable. I think there are some deep underlying issues that I've been tucking away hoping that they weren't real. Sometimes do you have thoughts of what it would be like and how it would affect others if I wasn't here any longer. Sometimes I think that I'm not strong enough to handle this harsh life. I think about the people that I love and how they would be affected and hurt and that always turns me around because I don't want my son to ever have to live with the fact that his mother took her life for the rest of his life. But sometimes I don't even think he would care and I would not be in his way anymore. I will reach out and try to talk with someone professional. I have done so in the past and I've never connected with anyone on that level because I just see right through them and they're just trying to earn their paycheck and watch their clock until the time's up and they have to deal with the next nut case. from all of been through in my life I'm pretty strong and I'm sure this is going to pass. Just like everything else does. The Show Must Go On. However I think that maybe we all have thoughts of what life would be like if we weren't here any longer. Sometimes I don't feel hope that there are better days ahead and that's a low place to be. I'll get some good sleep and tomorrow will be a better day and I hope to be back to my happy self.