Welcome bmc. Good job on four days. I am on day four as well. I can resonate with everything you are feeling. I am new here too. I posted earlier in the year but have been just watching every since. But by being on SR the last few days has really helped a lot and made me feel less alone. Let's take this one day at a time together.
Today was a rough one for me as well but I made it and so can you. My house is a mess too and I am struggling with guilt over my kids too but we are here and that is a first step. We can't go back but we can make our future better.
There is a thread where you check in every 24 hours and an August thread that is really good.
Take care