Hi and welcome to the forum tracer - I think Bim's hit on something very important and I tend to think its really the 'failed' relationship messing with you and causing those 'If only I was...' thoughts.
I was like that for most of my life until I found the right woman - and then it was easy. I don't have to be anyone else but who I am.
As far as legal pot goes , I was an alcoholic and that's legal too. I don't like who I became on either drug and nothing will ever drag me back there.
Like Zero says, stoners are boring, every bit as boring as drinkers - or maybe even a little more so cos they have this little supercillious smirk about how much better pot is than other drugs...
Freedom is great
D