Hi TS
I was concerned for your for sure. I could say a whole heck of a lot but that won't help.
So ya need to stop drinking. P1. For you. For your kids. Period. Go back to the ER if you need to. That's one thing I'm quite positive about.
You already know the answer with respect to the guy. Your addiction is manipulating the he!! out of you...keeping you 'stuck' with him so you can continue to justify your drinking. The hard truth I had to face? I choose to drink. I alone am responsible for my actions and my reactions. I teach people how to treat me. I allow people in my life.
Re-read your post as if one of your darling daughters were writing it to you....what would you tell her? What would a wise woman do?