lessgravity

Reflecting on what is different this time for me in my last, final and successful attempt to get and stay sober, I think that really putting energy and time into REPLACING alcohol has been crucial.

As a drunk I spent so much time and energy, mental and physical and spiritual, prostrating on the altar of my addiction to alcohol. Whether it was the time spent drunk, the hours and days spent barely able to stand in my hangovers, the planning/hiding/cheating/lying/covering-up = there was just a huge part of my life, perhaps even a large majority, spent on alcohol.

In putting down the poison for good, I think it's been so important to focus and explore and spend time on the things I can and want to replace alcohol with. I have mornings now, and afternoons and hours in between. Evenings are pretty damn nice too. Even waking up in the middle of the night, sans the anxious panic, is pretty great.

For me it's my health and fitness. It's also been therapy and exploring who I may want to be, finally, now that I have the energy and time and mental acuity to be able to try and be someone other than a lying, pos, deceitful drunk. Of course time with my family and working on my career have also been huge parts of my sobriety.

It could be AA, it could be knitting or scuba diving or anything for others. But I know, and I want to continue to make my best efforts to ensure, to fill the time I now have that I am sober with meaningful things that give me satisfaction and calm.

So lucky to be sober. Need to take advantage of that luck and not ever take it for granted.