Hi home. I am so sorry that you’re going through this. I’m sure that it feels terrible. A couple of things jump out at me from your post:
1) He’s using you. He gives you money, then calls you when he wants to see you. Which doesn’t sound like it’s very often these days. He may not even know consciously how manipulative he’s being (or maybe he does). But he’s paying to keep you in his rotation.
2) I don’t know if he loves you. Maybe he does in his own way? But people who love someone don’t generally behave like this. And if this is his version of love, do you really want it?
3) He’s not the reason that you’re drinking. You’re drinking because you like to drink, or have become accustomed to drinking whenever you feel something bad. The relationship is not the problem, perhaps the drinking is keeping you in the relationship? We alcoholics tend to create situations in our lives that give us excuses to drink. Maybe engaging in this drama with him is giving you the perfect excuse?
I hope that this didn’t come off as harsh. When we get sober, we start seeing things more clearly and that usually leads to different choices. This guy here sounds like a bad choice.