Originally Posted by
AtomicBlue 
I tried this for years before finally quitting alcohol completely. I thought it would really suck not drinking, but was totally wrong. I went to IOP. The last thing I wanted to do was group therapy. I can be very anxious talking in groups. However, it got better and better. I forced myself to my first AA meeting too. I kept going and have a home group with familiar faces that I'm comfortable in now. It can also be nice meeting with a sponsor 1 on 1. I think the more time you have abstinent from alcohol your brain readjusts and some of the anxiety will go away naturally. Then after that I think it was important for me to learn how to handle anxiety without alcohol. The meetings and working the steps helped.
It feels so good that I've already spoken with people who feel the same burden I do. Thank you for your response. I have tried to cut down, and make it better this way and it just isn't working and I can't keep telling myself it is. I know I've been in denial, once you're in as deep as I had been I don't think there can be any control. And that scares me. I'm hoping as time goes on I'll be less anxious about going to a meeting. It's in the same building my IOP/EOP was and the only person I know who is able to give me rides during the day is my Step Father and he jokes and calls the whole building "Drunks R US" - so spending time around him is not ideal but I think finding a sponsor to talk with one on one would be helpful to me eventually. I can go days, weeks without alcohol and then something sparks in my mind and I binge until I pass out. I don't want to be like this anymore.