Originally Posted by AnvilheadII

so I've been attached to him like velcro for so long

this statement gave me pause to think....rare i know!!.....one of the secondary situations that can develop with the problem drinker is that we DO give them more time and attention, albeit not in a healthy way. but nonetheless, they ARE getting more of US.....sort of a really twisted "reward" for bad behavior. i drink, it upsets you, so you focus more on ME, and even tho it's negative, i'm the center of your universe!!!

kinda like toddlers or teenagers acting out to get their parent's attention.

pulling away, detaching, disengaging takes away one of their sources of "reward" - seeing partners and loved ones get busy getting on with their own lives, doing their own thing, leaves the alcoholic with only themselves, no longer in the spotlight. cuz nobody is impressed, nobody wants tickets to the show. better things to do, thank you very much.