The sticking point is my SO is not realizing the pain and suffering I have experienced over the years, the need for me to be alone and the deep conviction that I will be a better person without him. I’m still being called out as not being honest or full of youknowwhat
and he may never accept that he did cause you any real pain. or he may never ADMIT it.
that is neither here nor there. what he thinks and understands is NOT your problem. leave him to him. he's in the best place possible to deal with this, he HAS the help he needs.
worry about you. just you.