Just Got out of Rehab
I just completed a 30 day Rehab program. I am an alcoholic. I've been drinking heavily since 2015. I hit rock bottom in May 2018. I lost everything - my job, family members, friends, my home, my dignity and my value as a human being. That's when I decided to stop drinking. I'll be 3 months sober on August 2.
I remember when I was at school, and teachers would lecture us about the dangers of addiction. I didn't pay much attention at the time, because I thought something like this would never happen to me. I thought I was "too good" to fall into the dark dungeons of addiction. Oh my, how wrong I was. Addiction spares no one, no matter who you are, what you are and where you come from. Addiction does not discriminate. It devours everything and everyone it can - it's a beast that is never satisfied with what it has. It always wants more.
I'm now on the road to recovery. I was released from rehab on Friday. It's funny - the first day/night at rehab I was so anxious and unhappy. I couldn't believe I had ended up there. I kept replaying all the moments that led me there and it killed me. I wished I could go back in time and change it all, so I wasn't in a place that felt like prison. I really wanted to get the hell out of there. 4 Weeks felt like 4 Years during the first days.
But after getting out on Friday, I was really sad. I miss the people I was with, I miss the colourful characters I came across, the wonderful counselors and lecturers who helped me tremendously. It's actually an experience I will look back on fondly, not only because it has helped me immeasurably, but also because it was a place that made me realise how beautiful people are, and how great life can be.
Prior sobriety and prior rehab, one of the reasons I couldn't give up alcohol was the fact that I couldn't envisage having "fun" again. Alcohol was like a videogame cheat code for me - when I was feeling angry, sad, depressed, it presented an easy way out from those feelings. For a few hours, it created the illusion of happiness - the illusion of having fun. Despite the fact that my problems would be exponentially worse when I woke up the next day, I couldn't break the cycle.
I now realise that cunning, deceptive beast that is addiction was lying to me all this time. I can have fun sober. I can be happy sober. There is no cure for addiction. Only treatment. And essentially, the choice is yours. It comes down to what you want in life. And now I know what I want in life, and alcohol is something I never want anything to do with.
One of the biggest hurdles to me becoming sober was denial. I thought I could be just like my friends - those freaks who can have two beers and leave it at that. I'm not like them. I never will be. I'm like a car with no brakes. I only know how to accelerate - not how to stop. Regardless of whether I crash, I will keep going. And that's why total abstinence is my best friend.
I'm feeling good and optimistic about my life now. I know I have a long journey ahead of me - a road filled with many challenges that will test my resolve and willpower. But after rehab, and after really looking into myself and examining my character, I feel confident that I can overcome these hurdles without going back to my old life. I feel I have the tools to resist.
I lost everything and it is only now I'm putting my life back together. There are many relationships I need to mend, I need to get myself back on track financially, I need to find my own place (I'm living with my mother and stepfather right now) and I need to get back to what I love doing the most in life. I'm 28, and I'm someone who values my own space a lot. I love my parents (couldn't have done this without their support) but it's tough to be living under their roof. But I know it's just a temporary situation, just like with the other things.
I remember being a lurker on this forum during my drinking days. I remember reading posts from people. Posts that proclaimed being sober is much better than being a user. I read some of those posts when I was drunk and I thought these people couldn't possibly be serious. They had to be lying. But now I realise that those people were stating the absolute truth. Sobriety is a billion times better. It's a high of its own.
To all those not sure about seeking people, to those trapped in the daily dungeon of addiction, I truly urge you to seek help. It's not easy at all. It's one of the hardest things you will ever do, but I tell you, it's absolutely worth it.
Much Love to you all
Stay Sober!