Dear Hope
You have already gained important insight that shows you similarities between your father and your husband. We tend to be attracted to mates that feel familiar to the way we grew up. This insight is a part of our own recovery.
I used to feel like you, that my ex was basically good inside but the alcohol was to blame for our troubles. However, alcohol, as they say in AA, is just a symptom of a spiritual problem. When a person is an alcoholic, they can treat the condition one of two ways: 1. They can drink. 2. They can join AA and work the program.
Our recovery consists of getting over trying to "fix" them, and being affected by their disease.
Do what you need to do for YOU.