Originally Posted by
Willow68 
Kevlar I wonder if your Mum is subconsciously trying to make up for neglecting you when you were younger... It sounds like she’s probably rewritten history in her mind to protect herself (my Dad did this) but I think she really cares about you even though she seems bossy now. I think that’s maybe just her way of showing her love for you. It’s really hard but so good (and I think necessary) for our soul to try to forgive past hurts, although I know it can be so very difficult. My Dad abandoned me when I was a little girl and it has messed me up sooo much for so many years, and really really messed with my relationships... I’m still dealing with forgiveness, although now Dad is dying and I’ve realised that not just for him, but for my OWN recovery and mental health I needed to forgive him. And I think I finally have realised that he only did what he had to do in order to survive. I’m sure in hindsight he had depression too. Very sadly he now has terminal cancer and he is finally on antidepressants himself ❤️ and I love him and I forgive him for everything. And I tell him this all the time now, and mean it. It took me a long, long time to deal with my issues and really know this in my heart ❤️ I’m glad your Mum came over and you talked, I think openness about what annoys us is important, along with compassion on how we deliver our criticism
❤️ My Mum drives me nuts sometimes too but she’s getting old and frail and is as tiny as a bird and I love her to pieces and try to be as compassionate, caring and loving as I can ❤️ Sorry, that turned into a big spied all about me! You will enjoy your me-time weekend Kev!
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It’s 7.20am Sat morning in Australia. Just saying again that these sober Saturday mornings totally rock!!!!!
I just love ❤️❤️❤️ all you guys for helping me get here! Day 76 today
Another 24 for me please, love and support to everyone ❤️ xxx
Willow, I'm so so sorry to hear about your dad, that's so sad
It's great that your relationship doesn't have to end in a bad way, you have such a good heart! My (half-) brother never met his dad. His dad first tried to get in contact when he was diagnosed with cancer too and only had a few weeks left. My brother was almost 40 by then and decided to not talk to him. I can see his point but it seemed very cold
I think, generally I forgive my mum for the past. But I have difficulties forgiving her made up BS about how she was super mum. It's like she's discrediting all my struggles as a child and teen. And I felt horrible then. It was the time when I started drinking cause I felt so detached and alone and not cared about. Most days she treated me like air or just gave me some money to buy her ciggs and some food for myself. I started buying vodka bottles instead to escape. I was so unhappy and I couldn't stand living with her. Sometimes, when she was especially frustrated she took it out on me and shouted at me all day, taking my phone, TV or computer away for no reason. I remember standing so often in front of the open window, thinking about jumping. It was a really horrible and dark time and I was still a child. It just hurts so much that she now pretends that she was someone she simply was not. It's not her not being there for me in the past that angers me but how she speaks about that time.
And for being so codependent now. She's not bossy at all, she's very immature herself and probably just not made for the mother's role. She just worries so much about every tiny thing and constantly seeks reassurance about everything. That I really have enough food, that I am really not lying about having enough food, that I am feeling okay, that my leg really is okay, .... And she constantly expects me to motivate and praise her and to be understanding. Like she wants me to be her mum in a way. It just feels all so odd and wrong and it tires me out. She's a lovely lady but being her daughter isn't easy.
When I hear others having that mum who makes them feel safe or is comforting them, having lovely memories of home cooked food or anything "home" related really, I feel so sad because I have nothing like that. When I think of home it's about my mum, dad and brother being stuck in their own heads or engaging in arguments. Our cats were the only reliable source of comfort and I loved them to pieces. My dad was wonderful and came up with such creative plays like building small houses for dwarfs in the forest. But most of the time he was too busy with his company or too drunk.
Ugh, this is turning into me just feeling sorry for myself. It's late and I tend to feel depressed around bed time.
Oh and congrats on 76 days!!