Thank you Mango. One day I will better understand and be able to accept the three C's. Once I learn more about this whole recovery process. Dandylion, you are right that I am taking too much responsibility for his emotional well being. Which he also has done for me (he hates that he can't control/force me to be what he sees as "happy" whenever I'm going through a stressful time). He has been very codependent on me. I think we both started out drinking together, our social life was always based on light (anywhere from light drinking to heavy drinking over the course of over 10 years, including teenage years before we went off to college and were apart several years before we reconnected). Can you guys please recommend a good book to address patterns starting with one's family of origin? I know I am repeating some of those. I've read Codependent No More, and have the books I need from Al-Anon at the moment...I appreciate the help so much. This place helps me slow down to one day at a time...otherwise I freak out constantly about the future.