It took me years (decades) to understand that it was not possible for me to moderate my drinking. It took my partner even longer. Now, at 4 years and 4 months sober he has accepted I no longer drink, and have no intention of doing so, but boy, it was tough going for the first 18 months. If it wasn't for the fact that I owed him amends I wouldn't have felt I could stick with it. Blunt words needed to be spoken (with love, and calmly) and firm boundaries made (on MY part) in order to move forward.
This is unlikely to be the last time someone offers / gives you alcohol. That's why working on my recovery has been essential. I still live in a world where there is alcohol, so I need to have the tools in me to be be able to make that choice not to drink, each and every day, and sometimes multiple times in any one day. AND the willingness to make that choice, regardless of any fear or initial embarrassment that I may have felt at the beginning.
Bottom line is, not everyone will understand the nature of my addiction and that I can't drink, not even one. But that's okay, because I'm the one who decides whether I'm gonna drink or not. I don't owe it to anyone to drink. Not for any reason....
Not to keep them company or make them feel less embarrassed about their own drinking.
Not to change my personality to what suits them better for the moment (I remember one lady alcoholic saying her husband just wanted her to be mostly sober, but still drink on sex nights because then she'd be more open to things that she wouldn't do sober - sometimes our integrity is a bit of a bind for others, but that integrity is precious. I found that out after living with none for long, long time).
Not because they have made me or bought me an alcohol gift (purposefully or accidentally - and these gifts won't even always be drinks! One very kind lady at work gifted me a beautifully presented jar of preserved cherries and other fruit in brandy one Christmas. I thanked her for it, with every intention of giving it to someone else who could enjoy it without issue. Someone must have reminded her that I'd 'stopped drinking' because she came running back and gave me a very tearful hug and retrieved it, and next day came and gave me something else. She had nothing but good intentions, but she just forgot for a moment. Other folk just don't 'get'it.
I did have two friends trying to sabotage me -my old closest and most regular drinking buddies. That was more easily dealt with as I just avoided them unless they were happy to meet for activities that didn't involve alcohol. I thought I was being a bit paranoid about them, but when I showed one of them my 6 month AA chip she said she was proud of me and confessed that she had tried to sabotage my efforts in the first month or so. I felt pretty angry and hurt about that for a few days, but then wuth the help of some AAer old timers I realised that I just needed to accept it and move on from my resentment as that would do me more harm than her sabotage attempts had. She's since had a baby so rarely drinks herself now. If I was still drinking I don't suppose she'd want anything to do with me now, especially not be around her kid. Funny how things work out.)
Anyway. What's your plan going forward?
BB