clarity.....Mango is right about what she just said, of course.
I will mention a few thought that I have, as I read your post.
The good news is that I see that he has a doctor that is following him....this is so vital...if he is on Naltrexone, and has sleep apnea. Sleep apnea is a very much more dangerous to overall health than most people seem to realize. And, chronic tiredness is a frequent complaint....although there are other things that call tiredness, also....
Another thing that I notice, when you are talking about your feeling of "guilt"....is that there seems to be an element of "mother-child", as you talk about it. For example...if I didn't know that you were talking about a 47yr. old man...you could be a mother talking about how she feels like she has neglected supervising her child....lol....
While there is a natural healthy level of interdedence in all intimate relationships....there is a line, where it can become unhealthy entanglement....and, I suspect that this has happened to you.....
I think that it will help a lot, if you and he keep to your own "side of the street"...in other words, you work on you and he works on him....
His health care and sobriety efforts belong to him (and his doctor and his program people)…..
Your own care...directed to your "own issues" and that of your son, belong to you....
Detachment...detachment...detachment....
***to me, it seems more reasonable that he be the one to move, when it comes to that decision...as your son is caught in the middle and he deserves as much stability and security as you can provide, under the circumstances. Keeping the child in his own home, if possible, would seem best for the child.
Another thing...I am sorry that he lost his grandparents...I loved my grandparents more than words can say. But, most people do lose their grandparents, along the way...at some point in their lives....so, that cannot be used as an excuse for the heavy drinking...it might be a reason...but, not an excuse. Alcoholics have a million excuses for drinking...from job loss...job promotion...death in family...the cat's birthday....
I do hope you can increase your alanon meetings...for the emotional support...Can you take your son? Is your son old enough flr alakid or alateen?
If you need additional counseling for your support, in addition to alanon...by all means, get it...
Are you reading and studying about alcoholism and the effects o n the loved ones? If you need suggestions for specific books or articles, we can help you with that....
Knowledge is power.....
***living for a few months in a sober house is an option that many alcoholics opt for...when needing separation from their usual environment. They usually do need to be sober when seeking such a house.....