I finally after many years realized that for me, the equation is binary. I either drink or I don't drink. I honestly had no intention of not drinking when I was drinking and though I could come up with plenty of plausible reasons "why" the real why is because I'm an alcoholic.
I think your equation is binary too?
Flip it on its head.
Instead of figuring out why you drink, instead decide you don't care - you're just not going to drink. If that's all you accomplish in a day, do that and be proud of it.
For me, the furthest I've gotten thus far is "I don't drink now.' But since it's always now, it's working for me. Sure I have thoughts of drinking in the future, but that future is gradually moving out from "maybe next week" to "maybe in two months." I have faith that before two months is up I'll have moved the goalposts again. Maybe to December, maybe to never. But right now it doesn't matter. I don't drink now.
You can do this, I know it.
O