This sounds very very familiar to me.. it sounds just like my Mother and it sounds just like me (once) and it sounds just like my sister(s).
It also sounds just like Laundry list trait 6: Overdeveloped sense of responsibility.
Which I interpret, from my Mother... Your feelings are my fault, my responsibility. If you're unhappy it's my fault. If I can't make you happy, I'm at fault. Be happy, or I'm faulty.
It also sounds codependent, from the patterns and traits (Coda)
"• are hypervigilant regarding the feelings of others and take on those feelings"
Similar to my interpretation above - I don't want you to be sad, upset, hurt especially if I take on those feelings... so stop it please!
"• avoid emotional, physical, or sexual intimacy as a way to maintain distance"
Again... if I'm responsible for & I take on these emotions & feelings it's really going to spoil my day. It's got to stop and you've got to stop it. If you could feel happy and calm and nicey nicey... well then I can take on those feelings AND be pleased at myself.
The interpretations that I've made, above, is exactly how I thought and behaved. It's exactly as my Mother behaved and I'm pretty sure -although, obviously I now know, I can't 'really' read minds :-) - it's how my mother thought & behaved.
When I listen to my sister(s)... they sound the same too.
What you've described, in my opinion is pure ACA, classic codependent. where both these two terms are inter changeable and are best summarised (for the purposes of my response)... really badly flawed thinking.