Originally Posted by Gottalife

It may be that you are a real alcoholic Sweetichick.

" If a sufficiently strong reason - ill health, falling in love, change of environment, or the warning of a doctor - becomes operative, this man can also stop or moderate, although he may find it difficult and troublesome and may even need medical attention.

But what about the real alcoholic? He may start off as a moderate drinker; he may or may not become a continuous hard drinker; but at some stage of his drinking career he begins to lose all control of his liquor consumption, once he starts to drink."

The hard drinker and the real alcoholic as described in the big book. Not always easy to tell apart. However, IME once the real alcoholic truly understand the seriousness of his or her situation, wild horses couldn't stop them from- " throughly following the path or being willing to go to any lengths to get it as they say in AA. "

"We, in our turn, sought the same escape with all the desperation of drowning men."

The reason I didn't jump at AA at the first sign of trouble was because cause I was not sufficiently desperate to do that sort of thing. I thought I had other options, but the main reason was that I was completely unable to see the truth of my situation. Not my fault, a kind of psychosis, unable to connect the dots and see cause and effect.

Once I saw the truth,I became as desperate as the drowning man, and did everything required to hang on to that life preserver.

I hope your truth turns out the same as mine. I had no problem with motivation from that point on. That is what a good step one experience does.

I can't help thinking of my friend Murray H who at 30 years old found himself in a similar position to yourself. Serious health problems. I was still drinking then and didn't know anything about AA or alcoholism. I went to visit Murray in the hospital where the doctors had told him it would likely be fatal if he ever drank again. (The Doctor's warning, about as powerful as a doctor's warning can be)
No AA int the picture. None of us knew anything about alcoholism.
Murray left the hospital, got drunk one more time, and died. And that was that.