Since I've been sober (75 days now) I've started to see the destruction of alcohol tearing down the relationships of people I know.
My partners friend is dating a high functioning alcoholic. In his 50's. He works a good job in the Government. But he spends all of his time outside of work drinking. His money goes on alcohol and half way through the month he's asking his unemployed partner to borrow hundreds because he's ran out of money. She had a major operation a week ago and he didn't visit, and still hasn't. My partner had to help her friend.
Then you've got my own uncle who is bed ridden drinking daily. He's on his last legs and is beyond help and treatment. My aunt has tried for years to help him and now he's just wasting away.
And then I think back to when I would wake up feeling sick, hung over and rough. And for a very long time that was normal. I'd woken up ill every day for years so it was nothing new. I looked forward to an appropriate time where I could consume vast amounts of alcohol without people thinking I'm an alcoholic.
I started developing pitting edema. I continued drinking and exercised more hoping it would go away. I remember one time sitting on the toilet after 8 pints and my feet were so puffy. I pushed my finger into my foot and it left a huge dent. Since quitting that has completely gone away. But it goes to show that even when alcohol is damaging your body and the symptoms are clearly visible ... I still made excuses to drink!
I'm sat on my bed relaxing with a smile on my face because I am finally alcohol free. And I know some will say "don't count your chickens". I'm no stranger to relapses. But you know when something ticks inside you and you know when you're done.
My son lay next to me last night and cuddled me as he watched me code. He was asking me questions. That's the first time in years he's done that. He now feels comfortable around me and often tells me he loves me. Alcohol made me a strict parent who shouts a lot. I can't even remember the last time I had to raise my voice to him. It upsets me to think about the parent I became but I am glad he forgives me. I talk to him sometimes and tell him how I struggle. I'm very open with him, and he's very bright and gives me his own words of advice.
Why would I want to go back to alcohol? Seeing who I was and all this crap around me with alcohol is enough to make me never want to drink again.
If you're struggling to quit I can promise you with every ounce of my life that you will feel better. The grass is most definitely greener on the side. Even if you're facing some terrible times right now - and trust me my story is probably worse than most - I can absolutely guarantee that you will battle and conquer your problems sober.
I've been where you are. Read my post history. Since I've been sober I am a completely different person.
Be safe. Stay sober
