Originally Posted by
Highercall 
It was my birthday Tuesday one with a naught on the end. I got very drunk fell over and today have spent nearly all day in bed. Anxiety sweating bad stomach and feeling very deppressed. Why is every major event in life associated with drinking alcohol? The misery of allcohollism I have suffered for twenty years.
What causes it? Why is it so terribly difficult to stop drinking alcohol and to maintain sobriety. I hope things improve.
Welcome back Highercall. Ever event in
your life is associated with drinking because you decide to make it a part of every event. You specifically came here and told us a few days ago that you were going to go out and drink on your birthday, so no surprise there.
Pretty much every event in my life was associated with alcohol too, for the better part of 25 plus years. I also tried to figure out what caused it for many of those years too - but in the end the only thing that saved me was to simply accept that I will never know why -I simply cannot drink alcohol without serious consequences.
You are right that quitting and getting sober is hard, but it gets much easier when it becomes your norm. I would say that I put very little effort into it anymore myself, and while I don't think I can ever just forget that I was that way once.....the vast majority of my day is not associated with alcohol in any shape or fashion.
That's down the road a ways for you though - the first thing you really need to do is make the decision that you want to stop and commit to it. And accept that you cannot drink any amount of alcohol, period. Hope will not achieve that for you - you need to take action yourself. Last week you said that after your birthday blowout you were going to do so - are you ready to follow up with that promise to yourself?