Scarytime…...you are grieving, naturally. And that is going to take some time.
You can't look for "fair".....it sure is @hitty.....but, it is unrealistic to look for fair with a narcissistic person. they don't have the concept at their core....
Best try to look a reality. In this world we have to live in realities...or we are in for a world of hurt....
I suggest th at you might go onto YouTube and look for presentations by Ross Rosenberg.....He is an acknowledged expert and therapist in the area of narcissism and co-dependents.....(his current term for co-dependency is "self love deficit syndrome")…..
It might give you a different perspective.....
By the way...crying is good, right now....