I’m doing okay so far with the temptation to drink, PJ.
I used to pose myself the hypothetical question, “If I knew I was destined to die soon, would I go back to drinking?”
I thought about the pros—and then the cons—and decided no.
The thought of a glass or two of wine for conviviality’s sake is an illusion for me. Just like the rest of us, I might be moderate for a time—but soon I’d be back guzzling—probably with all the more fervor if I knew I was a short timer.
That would be so damaging to my family and to my own personal growth.
I think I’m heading through some unique, uncharted waters here, and there is a spiritual lesson for me to learn. If I make myself drunk, I will be obscuring it.
My drinking was always a method of 1) feeling sorry for myself, and 2) running away from unpleasantness.
I do not currently feel sorry for myself, and I do not want to run away from upcoming unpleasantness—at least not mentally (I will be very grateful to have pain-reducing medicine prescribed by a doctor).
Plus (and maybe this is fanciful or over-dramatic), in being a part of SR, I really feel that I’ve become part of a sacred trust.
That’s probably way overstating it—by no means is SR cultish or demanding, and nobody needs to take a loyalty oath to post here—but it is how I’ve come to feel.
For me to betray myself and drink at this point, I would feel that I was also betraying my beloved “brothers and sisters.”
So no to alcohol.
