Hello All
I am afraid. Very afraid
I am sober and working the steps. But I am having a hard time accepting that I’m one drink away from any possibility
I’ve never been arrested
Lost a job
Killed anyone drinking and driving
I’ve always been a “high functioning” alcoholic
But I’m aware that I was just lucky
I feel like i have to spend the rest of my life carefully treading a line
And on the other side of this line is potential irreversible disaster
I don’t feel safe or secure
I don’t like that I’m one thin line away from irreversible destruction
Here are the things I’m trying to tell myself to cope:
1. All I can do is my best, one day at a time
2. If I do relapse, I most likely will just binge at home and avoid trouble like I did for 10 years...if I didn’t do crazy things in 10 years of drinking, a relapse would most likely be the same isolated self destruction and not the horrible consequences I fear
3. I trust myself to do what’s right, and accept the possibility I fear, turning it over to God (this is the hardest for me)
None of this makes me feel better
I don’t want to live in fear of ruining my life in one moment
Please help
