Working a recovery program (such as the 12 steps of AA) will completely change the way you think about life, the world, yourself, the meaning of life and much more beyond. The reason it’s required for an alcoholic/addict is exactly as you describe. It’s not possible to predict how you’ll feel until it works. My experience is exactly as written in the AA promises. It’s a truly beautiful thing that I’m so grateful for. Millions have probably felt exactly as you feel now. There is a solution you’ve just got to want it badly enough and be willing to do what’s required. For as long as there’s excuses to rationalise drinking then recovery is not possible. Rigorous honesty, willingness, and an open mind is all that's required to recover.