Hi and welcome the excitingkid
You don't have to tell us your name or any identifying details and you only share what you want to share
I can promise you this is a safe place to be
Drinking bought out the despair in me too, but it sounds like you could use some help today - have you considered maybe calling a crisis line, as well as posting here?
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ease-read.html
Whatever you do, don't make lifetime decisions based on the way you feel right now after drinking.
Things can and will get better, Posting here is the first step
D