Glad you are back Mummy. My last drink was on a Saturday night some time, and I remember the next morning quite well. Something had changed.
I got up to answer the phone. It was an AA friend, Danny, checking to see how I was. I had been AWOL a few days. I told him about my drinking and I can still hear the gentle way he said "I thought that might happen" He is a cockney, so I remember the accent.
It was pretty amazing that he even called. No one else ever did from my drinking circle. Anyway, that last bender finally convinced me that I was a fully qualified candidate for alcoholics anonymous, and that it was going to take more than just a couple of AA meetings if I was to have any hope of recovery.
The program itself had already been explained to me prior to my first meeting. It's just that there were parts that I didn't like and would sooner avoid if I could. My last bender changed my thinking on that.
You probably heard that AA has promises but perhaps don't know that they have both good and bad promises. That is to say promises about the good things that will happen if I follow a certain course of action, and promises about the bad things that would happen if I didn't.
Experience had convinced me of the validity of the bad promises, so I really began to pay attention. The good promises didn't mean much at that point because they were mostly beyond my experience.
After talking to Danny I made it to the Sunday night meeting, and began to show some real commitment. I soon found a sponsor and got stated on the steps. My life began to change, and I got the feeling I was on the right track at last.
The other striking thing to me, looking back is that though there was much about the program I didn't like, I understood even less. It didn't matter. Maybe it was stupid of me not to challenge everything, but I followed suggestions as they became apparent to me, and the understanding came in every case as the result of the action.
The end result of trying a way other than my own, was permanent recovery, and a good life.