I never did anything CLOSE to that when i was drinking st my heaviet, so why now?!
welp, i aint too smart but i have a feeling the amount ya drank could have played into it. possibly ya went into the day thinkin you could control the quantity but alcoholism didnt care what ya thought because it looooooves showing its progression when possible.
But I tested it more
alcoholism isnt something to "test." its possible to fail this test and some day can involve other people getting harmed.
look back at your first post,rayna- take a look at the bolded parts:
I was terrified to do this, but I reached my limit tonight and as much as I want to be done, I can't bring myself to just stop , even though I'm desperate for sleep and a clear day. I am in such a vicious cycle. My drinking has risen to the level of screwing up things at my job. Then I drink to deal with/forget how I've screwed up. Then I screw up more. I don't know how to break free. I'm drinking more and more , and starting earlier and earlier. I know I need serious help but I do not have insurance, and alcohol is a huge stigma in my family, and when I don't "maintain" the same level of drinking, I have trouble sleeping. The other problem is that all of my friends and even my close family, all we do when we get together is drink. If it's someone's birthday, we go to a bar. If we're getting together for brunch, it's surrounded by mimosas. Even if we're just having a game night, there's beer and wine and shots involved. The difference is they can all control it, but I can't. I am totally willing and want to white knuckle it (not my first time looking into quitting), and I guess even just live a life of recluse away from the partying. I just don't even know where to begin
ya gonna keep white knuckling it?