Since joining this site at the beginning of the year, I have had many successes... and many relapses. I can go several weeks sober, but then I relapse and go on a bender for a couple of days. I'm been fortunate that my relapses are brief, and I've consistently gotten back in the saddle. I'm immensely grateful for all the sober time I have when I add the days up, and trying to get sober is infinitely better than being drunk. I really mean that. If I knew right now that I can never get more than a few weeks sober and I'm doomed to keep relapsing, I would still keep trying. The sober days are that good.
But if I can do better, I want to do better. If it's possible for me, I want to be done for good. In the past few months, I've accumulated lots of good advice on
how to get sober; however, during my last relapse, I realized I don't necessarily know
why I'm getting sober. Or rather, I have
lots of little reasons to get sober, but no major or central motivation. I joined this site after an embarrassing night out. I still feel a pang of regret when I think about it, but the memory has faded, and I'm worried I need a stronger reason to fight the AV. It feels like my sobriety isn't focused, if that makes sense.
So I was wondering, why did you get sober? Did you have one big reason (a DUI? A health scare? Doing if for your kids? An epiphany of some sort?) Or did you have a bunch of little reasons? Are the little reasons enough?
If you've been sober for a long time, I also wonder, has your "why" changed over time, and if so how?
(p.s.) I don't follow AA or attend meetings, so I'm more interested in general responses rather than what the Big Book says on the "why"/surrender (no offense, I hope!) I appreciate all insights and experience, as always.
