I really appreciate this post and I relate on so many levels. I too had my rotation of liquor/grocery stores, and at one particular store, would always glance to see who was working before I bought multiple bottles of wine yet again after having just been there the other day, praying that the timing would work out and I’d end up in the other one’s line. I also knew I live in a small town, so I couldn’t be the only “regular”, so it was okay. But there were times those 2 minutes at the register were agonizing because I felt like the whole store was just silently judging me.
I’ve also been in Reverend mini-bottle’s shoes. I used to buy those same things because I felt like I had more control. I didn’t trust myself to buy a whole bottle of wine and just have a glass out of it. Instead, I could have one mini bottle and be okay with that. I think psychologically, if I finished it off, no matter how much “it” was...a mini bottle or a 1.5....i could be done enough to call it a night. I just couldn’t leave anything un-drank. I used to feel weird buying those mini bottles too. Felt like they screamed my alcoholism. Like buying the airplane bottles of liquor. I always felt like the cashier was thinking...why not just buy a whole bottle? Obviously this person MUST be going to chug these real quick, somewhere/sometime where it’s not appropriate to be drinking, otherwise they’d buy a whole bottle. It wasn’t about that for me, though...it was for the control and a psychological limit.
I went off on a tangent here, but thank you again for this post.