Well there is a lot to be said here. But I'm not in your shoes, or her shoes so I don't know what you should do.
I can say from personal experience that when I'm very frustrated and angry it is best that I hold my tongue. Pause when agitated. I have learned that anything I say to anyone in a state of frustration never works out well. Never. I might feel I have a 'right' to say something. It might even feel good in the moment, but it never works out well. Every time I wait, hold my tongue, calm down, listen (I have 2 ears and one mouth after all) things work out much better. I can always speak my peace a couple days later. That opportunity never goes away. But often times I find it unnecessary after I've cooled down.
I also hate powerlessness. Especially with someone I love dearly. But powerless I am. Often times my most regretful reactions come from a place of powerlessness....that desire to gain control. That is an illusion.
And last. No one cares about my abstinence. There is no amount of time where I'm suddenly thought of in a different light. I've been sober over a year this time. No one gives a shlit.
But they sure will care if I drink. That's just how it is. I'm ok with that. Because I care.