You may be right. I carry A LOT of shame, self-hatred, and guilt from my using. I almost ruined my marriage, scared the hell out of my parents, and just all around disappointed a lot of people - at least in my mind I did. My friends and family have been supportive and in no way have ever blamed me for my disease. But, that's harder for me to not do. I am looking into affordable therapy. Right now - this group (that I just came upon) might do. I hate this anxiety. It's not me. I thought after nine months I might be firing on all cylinders but I guess I'm not. I can't even take anti-anxiety meds because I've had Xanax before (during my using) and I almost got addicted to that too. I was lucky to get in front of that potential problem. Maybe part of it is that I find social functions boring now? But that also may be because I have trouble talking, or keeping a conversation going. I know I have work to do on myself.