Originally Posted by
Stayingsassy 
Dang. Why? Why did you pick up? How in the world did you convince yourself to actually pick up and think it was going to be ok?
Ill have a year in september and I know with certainty that if I drank I'd just go right back to the bottom barrel alcoholism I had before. I know that.
How did you stop knowing that?
I never stopped knowing that. My nose was rubbed in it frequently. The trouble was I kinda forgot. The facts of my experience, at certain times, did not come to mind with sufficient force to save me, they were easily overcome by the old obsession that this time would be different. I got nailed like this so many times, sometimes after weeks sober (rare) more commonly within hours of the last disaster. A lot of times there was no thought at all. Kind people might say I wasn't thinking straight but, in light of the evidence, at that moment the truth was I was completely insane.
I lost the power of choice in drink and I never got it back. I worked the steps of AA and as the tenth step promises claimed, I was put in a porition of neutrality, safe and protected with no need to be making any choice about alcohol as the problem had been removed. I only did that when I fully understood and accepted all the implications of step one. Until that happened, I didn't really see the need to do much other than go to meetings.
Now I think any alcoholic who fully understands step one would have the rest of the steps done yesterday.
Best wishes Solid Karma. I hope your sponsor will help you through this difficult time. If I was you I wouldn't let anyone get between me and a meeting, and knowing what I know now, I would be going to a big book study.