Never in a million years did I think I'd make it this far.
I feel I am in such a good place mentally now. A world away from how I felt those awful weeks during my final binge.
My anxiety levels are getting lower and lower to almost no anxiety at all. I am actually starting to remember what life was like before I found alcohol, just normal and serene. I now remember was it is like to not have a horrible devil controlling my every moment and constantly making me feel depressed and anxious. I remember how I used to be before drinking consumed me, and how alcohol slowly robbed me off so much happiness and just left an empty vacant anxious shell of a human being. I am so happy I have had this chance to awaken.
What has pleased me the most is, I have still been to pubs, bars and social events and been fine, surrounded by drink but I just have no desire to drink at all.
Maybe I am one of the lucky ones because for me now, alcohol has become a nightmare I never want to go back to. I now associate alcohol with horrible memories. Something clicked in me. I am 35, and since the age of 19 when I started drinking regularly to go out to parties and stuff, I never once attempted to stop drinking, even for a month. I never went longer than maybe a week or two. I never contemplated stopping drinking because I enjoyed it too much and it was a part of life. I was in denial about my dependency or I just didn't feel like I was strong enough to have a life without alcohol. Two months ago was the first time in my life I actually decided enough was enough and I had to quit for my sanity and health and so I did it. I remember when I used to smoke weed socially as a teenager, I smoked it for a few years until it made me paranoid and gave me panic attacks, and it became horrible to me, so I stopped over night just like that. I haven't touched it since and that was 16 years ago.
Now I feel the same with alcohol. Someone mentioned on here yesterday that to truly quit, you have to hate it more than you like it, and you have to remember your last drink. That is what has happened to me, I find it easy not to drink because I now view it as a drug that doesn't agree with me and makes me feel terrible, like weed did. I remember what happened with my last drink and I never want to go back there.
To anyone struggling in their first few days, I can say at just 60 days I feel like a man reborn. I have discovered a new zest for life, and it's one that doesn't involve alcohol.
It's early days for me still, but every day I feel stronger, more alive, more present, more confident, more emotionally in tune and stable, there literally isn't a single down side to not drinking.
If it wasn't for this place I'd never have made it through the first week and logging on here every day I know we are all on this journey together.
