You are so right! I don't engage anymore because I got the same crap. However, now I am pleasant and absolutely never engage. It's not worth it, and it NEVER, EVER, produces any results. And my kids see me as the stable and steady in their lives, and they need that. When I would engage, my focus was on that. The stress was overtaking me, they can see all of that, and none of us need that in our lives.
Big hugs to you.