Payday cravings
I don't know what happened. 2 weeks ago I was dead-certain I was never going to have another sip of alcohol for the rest of my life.
Fast-forward to today, and I'm not sure I'll last the rest of the week. I got my pay-check, which I've learned is a BIG trigger for me. Some of my worst binges were always right after getting paid.
It's day 93 and over the last couple of days I've gotten intense cravings to drink on a new level I have not experienced since I first decided to quit. I just went to the grocery store and literally put my hand on a six-pack of Crispin cider but I pulled back at the last second.
My body wants it, I think. Yesterday I tried to substitute my usual sugar binge in order to knock it down. I ate an entire box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch but still wasn't satisfied.
I can feel my resolve weakening. I feel myself bargaining already - I can only have 2 or 3 - I don't have to get drunk. My liver numbers are fine. One night won't hurt.
I feel so stupid for being so confident last week, so sure of myself. Maybe I haven't even begun to understand how hard this is.
I'm trying to keep myself busy and my mind occupied but it just keeps screaming at me that the world is so unjust and nobody gives a **** and I'm never going to be accepted by normal nice coupled up people anyway so why not have a drink?
Resisting.
For now.