Hi Sadsadgirl. You are far from stupid. You're on your way to being sober for life, and you haven't given up on yourself.
You said two wise things in your posts - "It really isn't worth feeling so bad again." It can never be worth it, & it took me a long time to finally get that. All our resolve & determination goes out the window once that first drink hits us. Also, "Life can unravel so quickly." I found that out when I started drinking after a few years of sobriety. It didn't take long for me to crash & burn - dui's, lost relationships, work issues, financial chaos, health problems. In my many years of drinking, nothing really bad had happened - but this last time, I was looking death in the eye. It feels so good to be free. You can do it, Sad.