I think there are two seperate questions within this post.
First, the one in the post title. When does it get easier telling people we don't drink (any more).
Second, how did we deal with being at the stage you are at now.
In answer to the first question. For me it got easier when I stopped seeing myself as a party girl / drinker. When I'd kinda got to the stage where drinking events and drunk people had proved themselves to be just a bit... Well, boring, a few times. When I'd realised that actually I much prefer the sober chats I have with others in recovery to drunk banter and supposed hilarity of a session. When I'd learned who I am sober, and what I like to do, and realised that if I don't like parties unless I'm drunk, then I probably just don't like parties. And realised that quite a few other people feel the same. Given the choice of a party tonight, or watching an episode of Orange is the New Black, or some quiet time with my book, I know which I'd choose now. And it's not the party. At first I felt like there was something wrong with that, but now I have found peace with this new BB who I've learned to like, then respect, then love and care for. As I've worked on my Recovery there has been a lot of change and growing up happening. How long that takes? I suppose that's different for all of us. Took me longer than a lot of people because I resisted that recovery work for a while. One man I can think of in AA is 9 months sober and is already very comfortable in his sober self (most of the time). Another lady who will be a year sober next week is as well. And then there's others who struggle for longer. Mostly folk who don't want to work on their recovery, but just pretend there is nothing to do other than stopping drinking, and who are determined to carry on their old lifestyle with the old people, just without alcohol. They struggle longer.
The second question, as to how to deal with the party situation you have coming up. I wouldn't suggest announcing to everyone you meet that you're an alcoholic. Thats just too much information. And if it's a batchellorette party, it's not about you really is it. It's about the bride. People don't need to be concerned about you.
When I was in this situation (going to a hen weekend in Berlin with my best friend and others) I talked things through with the two closest friends who would be going beforehand. I explained that although i may seem quieter than when I was drinking, they shouldn't be concerned think anything was wrong, I was find and would be enjoying seeing them all hapoy, but would feel a bit shyer than usual, that's all. I also explained that I may not be able to see the whole evening out when they went to nightclubs. They were fine with it all. Surprisingly, on that weekend away, every time I opted out and went back to the hotel early (around 10 one night and midnight another night, there were a couple of others each time who asked if I minded them coming back with me as they didn't want to drink any more and needed to lay down.
They did have me quieter than usual, which may not have been as fun as usual in some regards. But then they didn't have to drunk-sit me, apologise for me, or worry about me behaving inappropriately and getting the group into trouble either. I don't think I ruined anyone's weekend. And that was an achievement in itself.
Other than the close friends, other people mostly didn't question my not drinking. If they did "I don't want to" was a good enough answer for most, esp if I then quickly changed the subject to talk about them or their loved ones. It's worth having some questions up your sleeve for this.
BB