Thanks, least and Dee. I have read a lot of the posts on the Marijuana board, and am thankful for the opportunity to hear about people on a similar journey to mine. I may start a thread over there.
PhoenixJ, thanks for your thoughts. I have worked with a CBT before, and that was helpful. Right now meditation and reading recovery books is helping me to re-train my brain, but if I can't keep this up, I'll go back to a professional for help. I probably do owe my GP a visit though – it's been a while.
Nonsensical and everybody else, thanks for your support.
Made it through yesterday and felt pretty good. Even while my partner was smoking next to me, I was fine turning it down. Today of course I find myself rationalizing why I should smoke tonight, how I didn't smoke last night so I know I can do it... so maybe I'll just prolong my taper and alternate days for now... or maybe smoke this weekend since I'll have gone days without by then.
I know this is just my messed up addict brain following the path of least resistance. After this many years of smoking I've rewired by brain so that "reward" equates to smoking for me. Although "dealing with disappointment," "facing worries," and "being bored" also equate to smoking. Funny how that works. It's not like I even really enjoy smoking anymore, it's just a habit.
I have to get used to rewarding myself with something else. Books are the next best thing and I can't read while stoned (at least not if I want to remember anything or make it farther than page two), so I will plan on curling up with a good book and some tea instead of with the pipe and mindless TV.
Thanks for the support, folks. Hope you're all staying strong and enjoying yourselves.
