You seem very likeable to me - either you're a great actor or you're more likeable than you give yourself credit for
I spent years hating myself - partly because of the things people told me I was and partly because of my own impossible standards.
My way out of that was to a) stop drinking b) see a counsellor and c) grow up a little.
I don't mean c in a pejorative sense either
I avoided things for many years by drinking.
Not drinking meant I had to face feelings memories people or places I found unpleasant.
As unpleasant as that was it wasn't nearly as horrible as I'd worked it up to be - and I grew from the experience
Whatever demons you have chasing you Snuf you can outwit and best them...I promise
D