Easy way out?
First of all –
I’m safe - I can’t sleep and I started thinking about my triggers.
I’m not exactly sure how to express my thoughts, but sometimes I find myself wanting to pick up a drink, intentionally - knowing exactly that it would take me to the edge and make everything worse; which in my case is, if I’m drunk, I’m very likely to be suicidal and try to hurt myself.
I’m a hopeless perfectionist, and usually I find life just too difficult to cope with. I can’t stop thinking that I will never be able to achieve anything I find worth living for, and it would be just easier to give up and die. I'm not a likeable person, I suffer severe social anxiety, my BF helps me with basic things like making a phone call or going to a doctor… I know he loves me so much, but we haven’t been intimate in years, and sometimes when I self-injure, I keep it in mind; who cares, no one is ever going to see my scars.
I’m not sure exactly what advice I’m looking for – if any… some remedy for self-hatred perhaps? I know I’m gonna feel low very soon and I don’t want another relapse…