I wanted to give a small update and once more thanks to the responses.
Hit five months yesterday and will pick up my new coin tomorrow night. It was sort of funny as I was asked to chair a meeting yesterday - probably the fourth time I have chaired, but first at the location last night. I dont and didnt advertise the fact I hit/have hit milestones so was asked randomly. I loved that
After speaking to my sponsor yesterday, I told him I woke yesterday with peace and calmness within. He made the point that due to me completing step five on monday, it is not coincidental and goes some way to explain the change within.
I DO feel better than I did. MUCH better. Recognised how fortunate I am to be where I am in the world, with the new friends I have made through the rooms. Genuine people experiencing what I am or being there in the past. Change is never easy and my life has and is dramatically changing for the better.
Despite having busted my tendon, I am getting treatment for it and after seeing a radiologist, it is not in as bad a shape as it could be. - silver linings!
Whilst the ex is still on my mind frequently, I cant help but feel I am reaching - slowly, ever so slowly - a point of acceptance with my situation. There are meetings like the one last night I get so much from. There are other meets which I just dont get much from (if anything) and although I try to remain open minded, due to past experiences and the dynamics of those meetings, I will probably choose to not go to them in the future.
Learning to let go and understanding I can only 'do me' is difficult but when I am able to grasp it, liberating.
A member had a birthday yesterday. 39 years of sobriety (!) I asked him to open the meeting and he shared for ten minutes. What was insightful from his words, despite being sober for so long and rarely thinking of drinking, he mentioned he did think of drinking just the day before the meet yesterday.
Certainly a cautionary anecdote to those in the rooms new and old... Always need to be prepared and ready for the voice to kick off. Further, reenforces the importance of diligently and regularly attending meets (speaking for myself but sure it applies to many others too).
Anyway, thanks for the messages and support all. Feel like Im through the low patch of late (as is said, 'it'll pass'... :P)