I've had to do this with my sister in the past, and in the last 3 months, with my other sister and brother in law. As much as it hurts, and is awkward and sad, aren't your feelings at least as important? I think you nailed it with what you said here....."My gut just tells me I need to walk away. I’m not going to bring my baby to the shower because I just don’t feel safe at their place." Never, ever ignore your gut. Even more so when alcohol is involved.
Originally Posted by
Jess2014 
Thank you very much for the comment. He’s very controlling and decided that he wants to plan it. I not only had to detach from my sister because of her involvement with feeling sorry for my AH mother, but the main reason is because her husband is not a good person. He jokes about beating people up with his cousins and that his cousins have been to jail over drugs. Things seem very very sketchy with my sister and her husband and I’m pretty sure they’re involved in some sort of drug selling, but I can’t be sure to what extent. My gut just tells me I need to walk away. I’m not going to bring my baby to the shower because I just don’t feel safe at their place. It’s so sad. She’s just not the person she was before she started seeing him. She used to be very straight up, hard working and strong minded. Now she lets him talk for her and make decisions for her. For a long time I dwelled on the fact that my sister deserves better but what can I do. I just have to let her make mistakes and move on with my life. I feel like I’m going to get a phone call from her saying she needs a place to stay one day and I will have to turn her away. She knows what she was getting into with him.
And I’m sorry that you were on the receiving end of detachment but it’s very enlightening because I can see why I shouldn’t say anything and she will just know that I’ve detached.That’s it, what’s the point of making a sad situation even sadder. It saddens me so much it has to be this way. And I’m sure it does for your friend too for having to detach. But like you said, when its run it’s course, then it’s run it’s course. Can’t force something that is not working.