Originally Posted by
velma929 
I know it's the 21st century and it's his baby too, but why would father-to-be be engaged in planning a shower for his own child? Sounds a little self serving...that aside...or not, can you contact your sister's best friend, chum from work, (somebody, anybody!) and shoo BIL out of the picture for the planning? You could use the premise that he *shouldn't have to* organize his own baby shower and Best Bud and you have things covered. If you had a really good friend, could you even say "I owe you one. I'm duty bound to this task and I need your support."
As for detachment, I would not bring it up unless asked. I had someone detach from me a couple years ago, made me sad, but I saw and understood what was happening. I thought about asking, but searched myself and realized the relationship as it had been had run it's course. There were differences that won't be resolved. Telling me why would just have been very awkward and made me sadder. She's not a petty person, we're on different paths. We're still Facebook friends, and run into one another now and then, and treat one another politely. There's no benefit to her *explaining why* I'm being rejected from her circle of friends, is there?
Thank you very much for the comment. He’s very controlling and decided that he wants to plan it. I not only had to detach from my sister because of her involvement with feeling sorry for my AH mother, but the main reason is because her husband is not a good person. He jokes about beating people up with his cousins and that his cousins have been to jail over drugs. Things seem very very sketchy with my sister and her husband and I’m pretty sure they’re involved in some sort of drug selling, but I can’t be sure to what extent. My gut just tells me I need to walk away. I’m not going to bring my baby to the shower because I just don’t feel safe at their place. It’s so sad. She’s just not the person she was before she started seeing him. She used to be very straight up, hard working and strong minded. Now she lets him talk for her and make decisions for her. For a long time I dwelled on the fact that my sister deserves better but what can I do. I just have to let her make mistakes and move on with my life. I feel like I’m going to get a phone call from her saying she needs a place to stay one day and I will have to turn her away. She knows what she was getting into with him.
And I’m sorry that you were on the receiving end of detachment but it’s very enlightening because I can see why I shouldn’t say anything and she will just know that I’ve detached.That’s it, what’s the point of making a sad situation even sadder. It saddens me so much it has to be this way. And I’m sure it does for your friend too for having to detach. But like you said, when its run it’s course, then it’s run it’s course. Can’t force something that is not working.