Family Event After Emotional Detachment
I’ve had to make a very hard decision of detaching from my mom and sister after a lot of dysfunction that I’ve dealt with my whole life and after having my child decided enough was enough. I haven’t spoken to my AH mother in about two months after I told her I wanted space and said I would reach out when ready. It’s been so freeing not being apart of the drama I have always known. And it’s enlightened me on how my mom uses us children to pin against one another and enjoys it. So I just havent reached out and don’t want to. My sisters husband and my husband had a falling out over my family drama (dont have the energy to write about it, but typical dysfunction that comes with alcoholism) and I decided I let myself be apart of it for too long and now my poor husband has been sucked in, so I just want to be happy and focus on me, my husband and daughter and decided it would be best to detach from my sister because of a lot of horrible things I let her do to me and took it and never stood up for myself. I’ve started meeting new good people and realized I’ve put too much energy into my draining family that I never had the energy to put into people that were actually good for me!
Anyways, my sister is having a baby and originally I was planning her shower. She still wants me to have a part in it and plan it with her husband and I just think it’s so weird and uncomfortable to plan this with a man who threatened to beat up my husband. And my mom is going to be there and ugh I just don’t want to go. But I do love my sister and decided that I will do my part in planning but have as little contact with her husband as possible as he makes me very un easy. I don’t know if I’m doing this because I have grown up to feel guilt for saying no. But I just can’t say no. I told myself after this shower, I’m out. My sister did plan my baby shower so I feel I owe her.
Also I’ve decided to emotionally detach from my sister, but didn’t actually tell her. I’ve just really distanced myself. And choose to be friendly and meet her for lunch every once in a while but that’s it. Should I tell her that I’ve decided to detach or can it just be an unspoken thing. I don’t know.
I’ve been feeling great living my own life, but I knew family events were going to make it hard. I know the best thing is to not go, but I feel almost cowardly. God I hate facing hard things like this. No one has ever stood up for themselves in my family, and now that I have, it’s changed the whole dynamic. It’s so odd, I feel so at peace not being in contact with my family but as soon as my sister texts me I miss her and love her even though I know she’s toxic to me. Same with my mom. She’s been a horrible mother and yet I feel guilt and sadness and love when I think of her. I’m trying to learn that it’s ok to love people from a distance but so difficult.