honeypig

Hmm. There are a couple of things for you to bear in mind regarding this.

First off, as you say, you were not there. You have only his word as to what went on. Truthfully, you don't know what was said on either side of this alleged discussion--no idea how much he actually divulged to his parents, no idea what their response really was.

And if his drinking problem is something that his parents are already aware of (which is totally possible), even more than they want to "encourage him", they may want to make him and his detox not their problem. I've read quite a number of stories here where the A's parents/siblings are very invested in pretending there IS no problem so they don't have to deal with it, and also quite a number where the family is equally eager to pass the A and his/her problem along to the spouse/significant other so they don't have to deal with it.

As far as your child being OK w/him b/c he is "this far into detox"--if indeed his parents actually said this (and you don't know for sure if they did or not), it demonstrates a pretty complete lack of knowledge about alcoholism. No one with experience would ever tell you that detox = recovery, and certainly they would not tell you that a few days of detox will result in a healthy, responsible person who is competent to safely care for a child!

When I was new to all this, I also thought that simply removing the alcohol from AH's system would turn him into the person I believed (and wanted) him to be. I thought it was kind of like throwing my dirty shirt into the washer. Once through the wash cycle and the shirt is clean again, back to its old self, right?

Not right. Not with alcohol. Not at all. Recovery takes time and a lot of hard work. While it's absolutely necessary to start by removing the alcohol, that is all it is, the very bare bones of a start. Now comes the soul-searching, the accepting responsibility, the growing and maturing, the insight, the healing--and all that is not going to happen in a couple of days, all on the A's own. And I dare say that your AH isn't even within hollering distance of this yet.

Keep your skeptical glasses on. Keep the focus on you and your child. And do NOT make the mistake of assuming your A is "all better" simply b/c he hasn't had a drink (that you know of) in X number of hours.

Let me also say here that it boggles my mind how long it took me to finally understand that the lies were in EVERY SINGLE AREA OF OUR LIVES. I kept thinking "well, he lied to me about this, but he would never lie to me about that", and then guess what? Yes, he had lied to me about that. It was everywhere, simply every fricking where, clarity. I think you may find things to be similar for you as time passes, and I'm hoping that sharing this experience w/you will help you A) know that you are not alone in this, and B) help you grasp, accept and begin to deal with the reality of it sooner.