We can be really mean to ourselves, meaner than we'd ever be to someone else. Snufkin, there's a part of you that wants the best for yourself or you wouldn't be getting sober. It's within your power to nurture and strengthen that part going forward.
Btw I see from your notes you're reading some Murakami . Kafka on the Shore is a great book! Other ones of his I think are top notch are 1Q84 and The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle..