I can actually start opening up right now and addressing the non-food issues:
I should have known this day was going to trigger me to binge as it's my last day until September that I will have alone time in this house. My 3 year old had has last day at preschool for the year and so from this moment on he is with me 9+ hours a day, every single day through the summer. I am stressed about it for many reason:
1) I am an empath and need a lot of space to feel secure and balanced
2) I get stressed very easily and 3.5 year olds can cause a lot of stress
3) With summer approaching I will be joining the pool which means even more pressure on myself to look a certain way every day (self induced pressure of course.)
4) Just being alone in an empty house has always been a binge trigger.
So there are definitely known reason as to why I felt the urge (and gave in) to binge today as a "last horrah." I also get high off the sneakiness of having the whole house to myself and eating as much as I want. It's sick but I know I'm not the only compulsive eater who does this.
Anyway, It wasn't worth it, it never is. I can't wait for these urges to be a thing of the past and one day I am certain I will get there..
Thanks for the push LifeRecovery. I truly appreciate it!