(((hugs)))
I learn by doing. There are many different tactics I've learned to implement in this war against the insanity of alcoholism.
Kindness, to myself and others, looks much different now than when I started down this path of loving an alcoholic. None of it wrong, simply learning. From many different therapists & counselors who specialize in addictions, from hearing from others who've gone through these things, and from my own experiences as my viewpoints naturally change.
My tactics in this day include great self-care, connecting with healthy people and sometimes literally shutting the door when faced with someone else's mental issues.
God tends to also bring these things into my life in smaller ways so I can practice in easier situations. At work, through Al-anon, daily connections through family, friends, neighbors and strangers. As I learn new behaviors, the way I deal with anything, including my relationship with my alcoholic husband, is authentically me. This takes time to develop.
It sounds like you're doing very well.
One day at a time.